Another lovely long time without updating!

I don't know if any of you UK peeps on my F-List have seen it, but the Guardian is running a series of little booklets called 'How to Write' and although the title sounds a wee bit patronising, the content is actually good and I've found them really helpful in overcoming my seemingly terminal writer's block. Anyway, because I know some of you guys are having the same trouble, I thought I'd recreate a couple of the best bits to see if it helps too.

I liked their definition of a dramatic story and found it really helpful for it to be put so basically:-

"What you are seeking is the germ of a dramatic story, a series of actions by, and between, characters that bring about changes in their circumstances, world, lives and possibly, their natures"

There was also a really useful bit that said a good series of prompts for a story are six basic questions:-

Where?, When?, Who?, What?, Why? and How?

Happy Writings! ^.^

Before I get started I have one thing to say:- CLONE WARS IS THE AWESOMENESS!!! ^.^ if you haven't got the novel, get it now! it's got a lot more Anakin mini-angsts but sadly no Kenobi Tea Party. It's good though. 

I've been slowly getting back into painting and have decided to take the plunge and try and sell my canvasses on eBay! I've decided to post a link to the page here just in case any of you guys want to have a peek or if you know anyone who would be interested. They're not great works of art, but just silly pictures of the SW characters in my cartoony style. Not sure if anyone remembers the Obi-Wan in the hot tub piece I put on ewan_hayden when I first arrived here. Anyhoo, here be-eth the link. 

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Star-Wars-Art-Cute_W0QQitemZ260277324797QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item260277324797&_trkparms=72%3A984%7C39%3A1%7C66%3A2%7C65%3A12%7C240%3A1318&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14

If that doesn't work, try a member search on ani_loves_obi and it should be there!

Still at home recovering from my hospital stay :(  BUT!!! 

I'VE BOOKED MY CINEMA TICKETS FOR THE CLONE WARS!!!!! 10.00am on the 15th! WOOP! 

Also got the novel of the film today which makes me just want to see the film more. *counts down the days*

It's certainly making me feel better!

OMG! CLONE WARS FIGURES HAVE LANDED!!!!

I'm the proud owner of new CW style Anakin and Obi-Wan! They're currently involved in a lovely slashy hug on top of our TV, much to the amusement of my b/f. 

One thing I don't get though, why does Anakin come with some strange force gun? I really hope this doesn't make an appearence in the film *worries* 

Bring on 15/08/08!!!!!!

I've got the week off work *does a wee jiggity jig* and not before time! 

Went to see The Dark Knight this morning......I don't actually have that much to say about it! It was the early showing and I wasn't entirely awake. All I could think of when I saw The Joker was 'wow...that's Heath Ledger and he's dead' which I know it TOTALLY inappropriate. Since I haven't seen that many Christian Bale films, all I can think when I see him is 'It's ARTHUR FROM THE 'ERALD!' so yeah...it was a great film and everything but I was thinking 'Clone Wars Clone Wars Clone Wars' the whole time. Call me obsessive if you must!

I haven't got any plans for this next week apart from trying rediscover my muse who seems to have gone on a permenant holiday with the other muses from the fandom. How rude of them. 

Apart from going to the cinema this morning, I've done nothing but bake a bit of shortbread and SWEAT. Omg...I might be sounding incredibly British here but 25 DEGREES IS TOO HOT. Ani_harths_Obi NO LIKE! 

So yeah, I'm having a lazy, sweaty day and I'm about to go and grapple with my muse. How hard is it to write a story where Anakin, Obi-Wan, Quinlan and Ferus are trapped in the quarters playing Monopoly!?!?

*sweats*

OMG! dude. 

The Obi-Wan costume we ordered off ebay has arrived! It wasn't too expensive either but it fucking rocks! Ended up having to go out and buy some dye though because the tunic and pants were Episode I colour but they're now sexy sexy Episode III colour! Sweeeeeet! ^.^ 

Speaking of dye, I've been dying my hair black recently but I really want to put another colour on it. Does anyone know how you do that without paying a shit load of money to get it done professional? Is it even safe to put dye on dye and would it even work cos it's black? I'm rubbish with hair! If anyone could help I would be muchly grateful! 

Violet Prong...*sighs* what is the world coming to???

Once again it seems that I've tripped up in my efforts to get better. It all has to do with alcohol. We had some friends over at the weekend and we had some drinks and my boyfriend, our friend and I got really drunk. My boyfriend eventually passed out on the bed which left me and our friend who'll we'll call L. 

I said I wasn't feeling well so L offered to look after my bf while I went to bathroom. I'm really disappointed in myself but I proceeded to take ibuprofen, asprin and some paracetamol. In my drunkeness, I had no idea how many I'd taken but I don't actually think it was that much. I also slashed my face and my wrist deeper than I've ever done. Luckily, it was only those two cuts. 

Since then, I've gone off my medication. I have no idea why but I'm just not interested in it anymore. What's the point? I thought that by now, two months down the line, my lows would be receding and I'd be feeling a lot better. I do most of the time but the lows, when they come, are really low. My bf knows and insists that I'll be back on the meds again tonight but I'm playing on the fact that he doesn't have a very good memory so will probably forget. I feel really bad about it but the meds are just hopeless. It seems all thats happened is that I suffered the shitty side effects and now nothing. My bf insists that I seem better and even the people I work with, who have no idea, have said I seem happier recently but to tell you the truth, I don't believe them. My bf just wants me on the medication and wants to poison me. I fucking hate those tablets. They're fucking useless poison and I won't be stupid enough to put them in my body any more. 

My cuts are healing and there's no lasting damage from the tablets.

Disaster! My MP3 has died....poor Creative Zen! He's been with me for four years! and together we collected over 1,000 tracks. 

Let's just say I feel like a murderer because I dropped him. I've dropped him loads of times before, when I've been drunk and when I've just been a general idiot and he's always survived but maybe the last time was one time too many! 

*has a minute of silence for Poor Creative Zen* 

I'm a murderer!!! 

I went out an bought a second hand one at a local store and they stupidly forgot to include the installation disk so I have to pop down before work tomorrow and get it sorted out. Maybe this is Creative Zen's post-humous revenge. 

I'm back again after another period of silence. I swear, SOMEONE must slap me so that I update this more!!! Please!

I've been in such a dark place recently, as people will know from my previous entries and for the first time in a very long time I feel like I've had a tiny bit of light appear at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel. The feelings of total hopelessness and suicide seemed to have slipped away and been replaced with less intense feelings which I'm finding a hell of a lot easier to control. I'm trying to wake up every morning and tell myself that today I'm going to keep on living and I'm happy to say that it seems to be working. I'm not sure if this a delayed reaction to the medication. If so, it's been long enough coming!

I'm currently resisting the urge to bang my head against the desk because this story will NOT be written. I sit down to write it and I have all these good ideas but they don't seem to actually end up in my notebook or on the computer screen. I currently have twenty seven pages done but it's nowhere near finished and my muse and I seem to have fallen out.

A guy I work with rapped at me the other night. It was a scary experience. I don't like rap music anyway but it was pretty terrible and I found it very hard to keep a straight face when he started going on about wanting to ride a woman like a 'Biffa truck'. For my lovely friends who don't live in the UK, a Biffa truck is a rubbish/garbage truck. Why anyone would want to be ridden like a rubbish truck I don't know. They're slow and plodding and they smell really bad.

Anyone fancy it? : )

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I brought people into this. I'm sorry I let everyone down. I'm sorry that I was not strong enough. I'm sorry that I'm weak. I'm sorry I can't fight anymore. I'm sorry I'm so tired. I'm sorry I can't stand the pain anymore. I'm sorry.

I love you all.